What are our good friends up to at the beach this week?

Apparently Ronnie Margo is the center of attention this week. He is rumored to have an out of control protein shake and pack-a-day Marb Light habit to curb the addiction to street fighting he is currently battling. Recently, there are signs at all local businesses that say, “No shirt, no shoes, no Ronnie.”

Even though the cast didn’t resign, Snooki was invited to return on season three but respectfully declined. She said it wouldn’t be the same without the guys from seasons one and two. She then stated, “Hell, it was hard enough leaving them all back in Jersey.”

Pauly the “DJ” DelVecchio was approached by lawyers from Got 2 be Glued at the gym the other day. Apparently the DJ has been seen in ads promoting his hair without giving credit to the hair gel manufacture. The two parties exchanged words and when Pauly was asked about it he just said, “Bout 2 be Sued.”

Space cadet Vinny Guadagnino has apparently disappeared and might have been abducted by a pack of Bandito’s while taking a late night stroll on Cinco De Mayo. Sources say he might be living somewhere in Peru as a tribal leader. His agent stated he wont be returning for the finale. Good luck Vinny.

Jenni Jwwoo, Jwoow, Jwow, Jew, Joww, Jwoww – eh, it’s one of those, has been reported to be engaged to long time drinking, stealing, cheating boyfriend Tom Leppolis. She was seen last week wearing a two-carat diamond engagement ring but claims she lost it in the ocean on Thursday. Sources says she was seen that night, hiding in an alley taking shots of bottled water and freebasing Oscar-Meyer pre-sliced deli meats.

Michael Sorrentino a.k.a The Situation has finally found true love…himself. He is putting together a battle of the bods contest between himself and Pauly D after hearing rumors that the DJ might have a better situation than him…Winner gets an Ab Circle Pro, a year supply of tanning and 20 gallons of Ultra Tide.

Angelina ‘Jolie’ Pivarnick is back with luggage this time.. No one cares.

Ms. Sammi the Sweetheart Giancola is in hot water after hearing of a possible lawsuit filed against her for assault and battery. Kristen DeMinco, claims the punches were thrown for ratings, but MTV lawyers insist it was because Sammi is from south Jersey and DeMinco probably shouldn’t have been fucking with her man…God I love this girl…