Why do I like sharks so much.. Why do we at the Chronicle like sharks so much?  I guess its because they are nasty sons a bitches and they can eat us.  I guess its cause if we pretend to like them, they will be nice and not bite off our toes..  I dont know…    Or maybe its cause we really like these marine mammals of the deep.  They are kinda cute.  My 8 year old nephew likes them and hes never even seen a fucking SHARK, so i guess they are appealing to the eye, with their seven inch fangs and gills that can slice a tomato in half like a Ginsu knife…….  Anyway,  here are some fun facts about sharks that will make you like them again, even if you have come too close to the “furry creatures” of the deep…..

In honor of Shark Week,  her are some of my favorite Sharks…………

The SNL Land Shark  Chevy Chase……

I remember this.. I was 10 years old.. Chevy Chase was still funny..  He did this land shark thing, that now is performed by college kids… Just kidding Chevy, you  are always funny..    He reads my blogs…   I’m dating his daughter..

“Knock Knock.. ”  Who’s there…..?  ” Candy Gram.”

Sharks with frickin lasers on their heads…

Can I please have my own shark with lasers?  How life would rock if I owned a shark with a frickin laser beam on his head…

This is my new shark.. I just bought him on Ebay…  He has a laser beam attached to his frickin head..

“Lasers, attached to his frickin head.”

THE JAWS GAME SET.. I asked for a car, I got a computer…

Pull the garbage out of the sharks mouth whilst not being bitten..  Instant hood game??   I think so..  Why mommy couldn’t I get this game?

Glad you can have 2-4 players, cause I can definitely see 4 sane people sitting around in a circle playing this game..

Bruce “The Shark” from Finding Nemo…

Hes a good guy..  He is Emo…  He has emotions and is nice to children….   Whats not to like…??

Oh yah…  That….

JAWS, the original movie…

Told you sharks are smart animals..  Apparently, they are attracted naked woman just like the rest of us………

I think were gonna need a bigger boat…  And I’m gonna need a cigarette and a new pair of pants………..

Pool Sharks…

No wonder they won all the frickin time…  They had two cue balls…

“Money won is twice as sweet as money earned”

Card Sharks..

Nice outfit Janice..  let me guess..  You’re a 70’s stay at home Mom?

“Sure I will take another card..  Also, do you like my blazer and handlebar mustache.. ?”

Mega Shark v. Giant Ocotpus?

I cant believe this movie didnt receive 4 stars, what with a giant octopus and all… Look at him take down that Freight liner…  I had money on the Mega Shark.

Really?  Hungry much?

And the star of the show,  of course is Lorenzo Lamas.. His thick main of hair and his bad ass “Freedom” tattoo.. Who wouldn’t want this “D” list actor as the leading role in Mega Shark v. Giant Octopus…?

Meglodon Shark full of Nerds with pocket protectors..

Seriously folks.  Sharks are no joke.  Make sure you floss your teeth every day.. You never know when you will be up against a big frickin shark…

Dude..  I have news for you…  Those weren’t sharks.. Mmm, K?  They were guppies..  The shark at the 1:39 mark.. That was a shark…  Stop being a pussy and be a real journalist..