The Wyseman sees all.

Aquarius:  (January 20 – February 18)
Caution: Aquarius! Your eccentricity may attract the wrong person into your life faster than you can say Aqua-man.  Stay progressive and independent this month and you should come out ahead.    Your ability to be assertive will come in handy to keep you out of harms way and help you prevent the oddball in your life from stabbing you in the back.  Lucky Number: 7

Pisces:  (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces this month is your time to show how compassionate you really are.  With Valentine’s day just around the corner, plan to do something nice for that special someone in your life.  Don’t let yourself turn into a fish at dinner though…it’s common knowledge that inebriated fiasco’s surround you like seagulls fighting for a french fry and will put the kabosh on lovin’ you may have been hoping for.  Lucky Number: 2

Aries: (March 21 – April 19)
It’s no secret you’re an impulsive maniac, Aries, but this tendency may cause you Rams to step on a land-mine this month.  The biggest thing in your way right now may be you, you hard-headed SOB, causing you to lose sight of the goals you have been working so hard to achieve.  Be sure-footed, but don’t be a prick;this is the only method that will help you reach new horizons you can gloat about and open doors you never thought possible.  Lucky Number: 9

Taurus: (April 20 – May 20)
Your tired excuse of not noticing anything because you keep getting side-tracked as the world around you constantly changes is total Bull.  You might just find yourself wandering through the fields all alone if you don’t stop stampeding over peoples’ needs and feelings.  Even though change scares you Taurus, it’s time to either clean out the closet, come out of it, or lock your sorry, self-absorbed ass into it to rid yourself of the past. Earth signs should have no trouble burying all the things that hurt the most in a box deep down in the soil.  Lucky Number: 4

Gemini:  (May 21 – June 20)
Things are always looking up for you fellow, Gemini.  Keep your eye on the stars, well metaphorically speaking– big things are coming your way and we don’t mean Pamela Anderson’s jugs.  Stay focused, organized and strong and success is just around the corner.  Remember, success can be  easily stripped away by letting those close to you disappear and definitely honor those who helped you through hard times.  Lucky Number: 13

Cancer:  (June 21 – July 22)
Keep it cool, says Da Crab, and chill out this month when the love of your life busts a move you’re not ready for.  Stay true to oneself and don’t be too snappy with those claws if you get frightened; the time has come for you to have what you want. But proceed with caution, as the wrong choice can be disastrous to to your kind and watery nature and sink you into your own abyss. Buy a Lotto ticket and be adventurous this month.  Lucky Number: 3

Leo:  (July 23 – August 22)
While staying on the fast and steady paced tracked you have always loved don’t forget to take some risk in life.  Stepping out of the box isn’t always a bad thing but go about it the wrong way and life may just tear your face off in one swift lion’s swipe.  Maybe your mom was right- your stubborn, king-of-the-jungle act won’t get you anywhere, son. Sucks when mom is right, don’t it, you little mama’s cub. Lucky Number: 6

Virgo:  (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo,  it is strongly advised that you lend a helping hand to someone close this month. Your stone-cold nature could affect your judgment, Virgins, making it difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff but your calculated analytical nature should prevail. You’re the go-getter everyone envies, not some head-in the-clouds dipsh*t.  I mean, who do you think you are…a Libra? Lucky Number: 5

Libra:  (September 23 – October 22)
Spending time alone this month Libra?  This could lead to trouble with your ‘absence-makes-my-heart-grow-madder‘ philosophy.  Don’t be coy–the yo-yo is only fun for 5 minutes for a reason and your penchant for being fickle may blow your lover into someone else’s bed with a gale force wind.  On the brighter side of things you are bombarded with new social functions that will help spice up your relationships; don’t forget to take along a carefree attitude but be careful not to come off as some kind of airhead.  Luck Number: 5

Scorpio:  (October 23 – November 21)
As you vie for that new job or new lover, don’t let envy get the better of you .  Jealousy is in the air, which usually causes you to strike any opponent mercilessly but beware; your foe may be someone close to you and you’re in no position to be losing any friends right now.   Think before you strike, or at least know where the anti-venom is.  Lucky Number: 2

Sagittarius:  (November 22 – December 21)
Your wander-lust has become too much for you and your lover to bear.  Before you lose yourself, be sure that your partner hasn’t mislead you down a trail of self-destruction. Pay attention, already, and allow yourself to be open to new ideas or you’ll find yourself shooting arrows into your own reflection as you try to rediscover what you already know.  You can be true to yourself and know that you’ve done enough for someone who doesn’t deserve you.    Lucky Number: 7

Capricorn:  (December 22 – January 19)
Are you fulfilling your responsibilities Capricorn?  Don’t let your insecurities this month stand in the way of achieving a new goal.  Keeping a positive outlook and laying off lying so much this month may help people be more inclined to reach out and open up to you Capricorn.  The time has come for you to have a positive outlook on life and stop keeping so many secrets.  Lucky Number: 11