"Ayy, yo, it's only herpes, yo!"

Sally Ann Salsano, producer of The Jersey Shore reality MTV show, sat down recently in a roundtable discussion with the Hollywood Reporter and revealed that she regularly provides Valtrex, a widely advertised herpes suppressant medication, to the cast of the show. “We hand it out like M&Ms! ‘Hey kids, it’s time for Valtrex!’ It’s like a herpes nest. They’re all in there mixing it up.”

Great, they’re ‘all in there mixing it up’ in South Florida. There has been a perplexing fascination locally with the cast of this show that has spread like wildfire (not unlike herpes, incidentally) since they descended onto the Miami scene. Wannabes far and wide (and you know who you are, don’t lie) have taken up fist-pumping as their own personal signature and have been eager to invent their own Jersey Shore name to be more like these flash-in the-pan faux-lebrities. How unoriginal.

Salsano also revealed that there is an on-set therapist to help the cast members cope with the ‘pressures of filming.’ Who knew there was an associated stress level that goes along with being a douche on TV? Salsano, who was formely the producer of The Bachelor, describes Jersey Shore as “Sh*t-house crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it as a producer.”

So, if you’ve been one of the starry-eyed ‘lucky’ ones to have actually gotten down with the cast in Miami and plugged in to their bacchanalia, then it could very well be that your Jersey Shore name is “Infected” and now you really are just like them, sores and all. How glamorous. While the cast is provided with medical care and suppression therapy, the show will not be picking up your doctor bill despite how totally cool and Guido-like you are. But, ayy, yo, it’s only herpes right? Totally worth it to have burned it up with an MTV star!

Right. Now put your fist down, and go pop a Valtrex.

prma