It’s the holiday season!ssst4

With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock!

And don’t forget to hang up your sock!

Oh Andy, you know the drill. Mr. Williams and the rest of his crooner cronies really knew how to roast those chestnuts, you know?! Roast those chestnuts! Right?!

Yes, we know. They roasted them on an open fire. But we’re talking chestnuts! Come on! It’s the holiday season, and you know what that means? That’s right! You’ve got to buy a sleigh full of gifts! For everyone! So, while the cable-knit sweater for Grampa Herm is wonderfully practical and languid, maybe a brand new matte black ball gag & butt quiver are really what’s on his wish list!

While we all know about the rubber dongs, and the vibrators, and wiener rings… the holiday season should really inspire us to explore our options. We should be gifting the most unique and special offerings to friends and family. Let’s have a look at the best, brightest, most seasonal gifts for everyone on your list.

Phew…okay, that was okay. The humor was a clever ruse to get through the intro, but don’t be nervous now. Here we go. Let’s just try to properly detail each gift for the readers, as vividly and descriptively and as graphically realistic as possible…

ssst5The Butt Quiver. Check. It uhh, it trembles. I’m trembling. It quivers in your bottom. You power it on, and then it uh trembles. It trembles inside your bottom. You insert it up into uh, the bottom of… yourself. You put it up into your bottom of your butt, and power it on, and it quivers your bottom. Done.

The Bondage Kit. Yes. Cuffs, gags, b-b-blindfolds. B-b-b-b-bondage. I would probably put the blindfold on last, if it were me, so I would make certain the gag was properly clasped, and the cuffs were tightly fastened. It’s not like, a first date kind of holiday gift, well in most circles, but it’s rather tame as far as these things go, which is nice.

The Waterproof Jackrabbit. Right. Yes. Who wouldn’t want their jackrabbit waterproof?! Deep breaths. So, this is like a phallic metropolis of robotic rubbery knobs and bobs and tips and nubs. Sort of. And this is very much like the aforementioned “bottom quiver”! Except… more… everywhere… all the time… rubber robot dong city.

The Leather Butt Paddle & Cat Whip. Outstanding. Nothing like staying old fashioned for a little fluffy holiday reprimanding. Nothing battery powered here! Nope. Just a pat on the bottom, I would think.

And here we are! We’ve really explored the depths of our desires here, together. So much desire. So, for whomever you’re shopping, we’ve detailed a very robust list of options. Trembling. You can really cover your bases, get to all the bases, and, and round them, round the bases. Chestnuts, quivers, and jackrabbits.