You got questions, we got answers Q. Dear South Florida Philosophy: I just broke up with my girlfriend, and sure enough if she didn’t rush out and start sleeping with some sweater-wearing loser. What’s the rule of thumb on the time a person should wait because that seemed slutty-fast? – B-room floored in Laudy A. You know what they say: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Girls often jump straight into another guy’s arms to get away from the guy they’re presently with. It’s the only way they can break away; that’s where the term “rebound guy” comes from. Guys don’t have rebound girls: we just sleep with whomever we can sleep with. We’re in it for the numbers. Girls always need that “new guy attention,” a little mini-relationship to get them out of their real relationship. It’s usually just whatever guy happened to be standing there the night you made her mad. The worst part is he’s not getting laid because she likes him, hes getting laid because she’s mad at you! That’s just the way girls do it, like it or not. One two-month fling with the rebound bum, followed by four-to-six months of being single, then on to the next relationship. It’s the female way, serial monogamy. Q. Dear South Florida Philosophy: I want to meet your “Beauty and the Beach” – can you hook it up? – Lovestruck in Delray Beach A. I got you one even better than that: just log onto www.printkiller.com and click on this month’s “Beauty and the Beach” to get her phone number, and you can call her yourself. Q. Dear South Florida Philosophy: I literally left my girlfriend on the corner because she was railing at me for not paying her car insurance. My life was great for two seconds, but then she found her way home. How can I get rid of her? – No more, Boca Raton A. Get a can of Bitch ‘B’ Gone Spray – you can find it at any local convenience store. It’s highly affective and has a money back guarantee (unlike her). Q. Hey SoFla Philosophy: This week my friends asked me to help them move and I told them I was busy, but now I feel bad; should I help them? It’s such a pain! To move or not to move, Davie A. Here’s what the average writer would tell you: “Of course you should help your friends.” But I’m not the average writer, so I’m telling you: “Nice work, you did the right thing.” Helping people move all day is a nightmare, it’s just not worth it. Your true friends will forgive you, and if not – screw them! You can get new friends, and you can get them a hell of a lot easier than you can carry a sleeper sofa up two flights of stairs. Q. Hey SFL Philosophy: What’s up with MySpace these days? Has Facebook taken over? – NoSpace in Hollywood A. I think there’s five child molesters, six event promoters and two hookers still on MySpace right now. MySpace is dead, Facebook is King. Honestly, I think that Facebook is better, but I miss the music on MySpace: It was fun trying to pick which song defined you as a person every week. Q. Hi South Florida Philosophy: I keep meeting cute girls when I go out. However, after I buy them a drink and we begin talking, the conversation usually comes to a lull. Mostly because its so loud and we don’t really know each other. It gets kinda quiet and awkward – any suggestions? – Uncomfortable silence in Miami A. For sure, I got you. Whenever you talk to a girl in a bar or nightclub, less is more. The object is to get in and out before the conversations dies. Heres how to do it: When you first meet her, smile big, look her in the eye, and give her a kiss on the cheek (act like you have known her for years). After that, spend just a few moments talking to her (and have something interesting to say). Something like: “How would you like to be the next BeachFront News Beauty and the Beach model? Really? Tight! I’d love to talk to you more about it right now, but my friends are waiting for me. Just give me your number and I’ll call you about it after the bar gets out.” The point is, you’re not going to sleep with her at the club, so just make a good impression; get the number (never give yours) and get the hell out of there before you fall into an awkward, leg-closing, silence. Keep the mystery alive and you’ll keep your chances alive. Then, when the bar closes, call her and pick up where you left off. Q. Dear South Florida Philosophy: My boyfriend collects rare coins, and it drives me nuts. Who the hell cares if it’s from the Civil War??? Confederate money – whoop de do! How about taking me out and spending some real money! You know what I mean? I want some attention, too. What’s his problem? – Collect this, Sunrise A. You selfish tart – can’t a guy have a hobby? Jeesh. What’s the world coming to? Here’s an idea: right before he gets home, lay yourself on the bed naked with heels on. Then cover just the right areas with the Confederate dimes. That should get you the attention you’re looking for. Afterwords, you may also find yourself a little more involved in his hobby, so there’s something to go around. Q. Dear South Florida Philosophy: I was driving through Wilton Manors yesterday dodging glitter ponies and pink sprites when I had an epiphany for a new Wilton Manors business. Its even got a clever Wilton name: I call it “Wiener World.” It’s a hot dog stand! The theme would be “we got a bun for every wiener.” What do you think? – Wilton Whiz A. Genius, pure genius, and to think, I sometimes underestimate the intelligence of our readership. – from the lethal pen strokes of 2D2GC – I think I saw that guy the other night on Wilton Drive, 2D. I was leaving “Sidelines,” and he was getting ‘curbed’ outside “Bill’s” by the Pink Danglerz, a vicious gang of drag queens. Oh, the humanity. – Boomer