Bill Hillmann, a hipster writer from Chicago who thinks he’s Earnest Hemmingway, keeps getting gored by the bulls when he runs with them in Spain, but he keeps running with the bulls in Spain.
And he has some choice words for the people how have been making fun of him on the interwebs. Paraphrasing, those words are these: “Shaydup, ya’ bunch of losers, y’all suck.”
Hillman was gored for the first time three years ago in Pamplona. He was gored for the second time Saturday – right in the ass.
Per People.com, he initially didn’t even realize he had been impaled by a horn “because his pants were intact after the animal had somehow pulled down his pants and rammed its horn through his yellow underwear into a lower part of his backside” (we’re not sure how the color of his underwear is relevant, but thanks for the visual, People!).
Hillman said the horn narrowly missed his anus and balls, so despite there being “blood everywhere,” all good! In fact, he was planning to run with the bulls again Monday, the day after he got out of the hospital.
Of course, the Twitterverse saw an opportunity and pounced on the hipster/writer/daredevil.
I got gored this morning but I’m fine
— Bill Hillmann (@bill_hillmann) July 8, 2017
— Mochiliti (@Mochiliti) July 10, 2017
Gored twice in three years. Find a new hobby. Seriously thinking why this is why I chose to follow the Sun Times
— Mike Malinowski (@mahalo330) July 8, 2017
Per the Chicago Tribune, Hillman shot back at his naysayers, “You’re boring, pathetic … fat dumb people who vote for Donald Trump and have no interests except McDonalds and malls.
“Americans watch too many Disney films and are out of touch with what it is to be human. … The most interesting thing that happened to them this year is probably somebody shouted at them because their dog was barking.”
Either that, or they have brains.
He went on to profess is love for Spaniards who, it seems, are more in touch with life than us fat, dumb Americans.
Then he said, “Americans should not be running — I was an idiot when I first came to Spain, but now it is a part of me.”
Okay, got it. Thanks for the pro tip. We’ll happily heed your advice.