NY Daily News – A man survived a harrowing plunge from an Upper West Side building Tuesday, crashing through the back windshield of a red sports car. While cops said the man fell an amazing 39 stories, fire department officials said he plummeted five to seven stories. Guy McCormack – the owner of the crushed 2008 Dodge Charger, who was doing construction work across the street – believes the man survived the leap on the wings of divine intervention. Holding up a set of crystal rosary beads he retrieved from inside the Charger, McCormack exclaimed, “Here’s what saved him!” Police said the injured man, they identified as Tom Magill, 22, appeared to jump from a window of a 40-story apartment building at 75 West End Ave. at 10:45 a.m. “My leg! My leg!” the man screamed after crashing through the rear window of the car and landing in the back seat twisted like a pretzel.  “I was walking around the corner and saw the shadow of a body falling,” said Amedeo, a labor foreman. “Next thing you know, I hear a boom.” Amedeo, 48, of Queens said Magill hit so hard his royal-blue Keds sneakers were knocked off his feet and one of the shoes landed on the windshield of a car parked behind McCormack’s Dodge.

Yo bro I think you’re doing it wrong. Like, I’m pretty sure the whole point of suicide is to end up dead, no? And last time I checked, two broken legs and a bruised lung ain’t dead. Just chalk it up as another loss for this dude, huh? Not to mention you’re probably gonna be buying Guy McCormack a new Charger.

But on a serious note, suicide is not the best way. You think life sucks now? Wait until you are dead. Think of the people hurt. I mean, look at all the desperate fat girls out there that will never get another shot at you when you’re drunk. All the bros at the pool who could “Ice” you, won’t have anyone to ice. Girls, don’t be sad, think of all the bitches out there that you can’t call sluts and whores anymore. We all know you love getting drunk and yelling that out in public. Also, don’t forget all the little Chiuahas that wont have drama queens to feed them…

Sure I’m not saying you’re gonna go from the brink of self destruction to Mr. Motivational, but you bust a slump with a hefty chick and you’ll probably feel a little bit better about yourself. I mean I’m down in the dumps about this disaster shoulder injury and probation problems, but you know what I did? Popped some pain killers and watched The Mighty Ducks and then Hot Tub Time Machiene back to back. Forgot all about my problems.

No need to go crushing a dude’s charger from the top floor…

prma