If you’re acting out your primitive wants and needs without discretion or care for the omni-present human element, then chances are at some point you’re going to need a lawyer. If you in any fashion attempt to restrict the freedoms of your neighbor, deliberately or otherwise, then you may need a lawyer. If you find yourself drunk in Alaska, and then entering a bar, then you might need a – bwaah?!

You see, Florida isn’t the only state in the union with wacky, outdated, nonsensical laws and statutes. So watch out! You could be in Topeka, or Coeur d’Alene, or even Waxahachie – just minding your business when SLAM! Local smokies are drying you out in lockup just because its Tuesday and you have a bunch of warrants! Injustice.

Let’s open up some of the more perverse laws impeding on the natural born freedoms of local Americans around the country. “Business Insider” reveals a few favorites:

Florida. Alright, alright, well we had to start somewhere! There are going to be other states! In Florida, you simply cannot toss dwarves in commercial establishments. Not since 1989. Oh come on man! Just for the sporting chance? No, not in Florida.

North Carolina. You cannot play “Bingo” for longer than five hours. Put your marker stamp down, Sir.

Idaho. It is illegal to eat other people in the state of Idaho. Cannibalism is illegal here. Apparently, they were the first and only state to say so when this went into effect.

Iowa. They’ll arrest you on the spot if you try to sell margarine as butter.

Minnesota. You cannot play games that have anything to do with catching greased pigs.

Florida. Come on! In Florida, it is illegal to skateboard without a skateboard license.

These are just the highlights. So remember, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, just stop it! Stop it! Go home and stay there. Who knows what heirloom laws might be enforced just because you weren’t aware that cannibalism was outlawed in this state or that.