Here’s the thing, I don’t necessarily support the premise behind the grand amalgamation of breakfast in the beer. But I do support beer, in all its illusory hoppy wonderment. I support the bucolic tapestry woven into all the wheaty, grainy, barley loving brew – mashed into the coppers and pumped proper right straight into my gullet – gulp by frothy gulp. I support beer with breakfast, and I circumstantially support beer for breakfast. But I’m old fashioned, and there are certain ingredients beyond the “brewer’s coda” that ought to remain plated.

That said, perhaps I’m acting a little obtuse. Maybe there is room in this barbaric slaughterhouse of a world for wacky concocters to summer-slam half the pantry into the coppers along with the choicest barley, the hand-pruned hops, the yeastiest yeast, and the purest mountain stream water. What’s the point anyway. Live a little?! Live a lot?! Well, let’s breathe the free air and take a journey into the gluttonous obscure…

Brewery: Funky Buddha (Ft. Lauderdale, FL).

Beer: Maple Bacon Coffee Porter

Bwaah? That’s right, this one’s brewed in the mad laboratories of the industrial district around the corner. Aaand go there now. Funky Buddha does not pride itself on shying away from mind-melting flavor concoctions from their Oakland Park-based brewery. You’ll find everything from “Apple Toffee Brown Ales”, to “Banana Split Ales”, to “Guava Jelly Blond Ales” in the taps. If you’re not in the mood for the “Blood Orange Hopgun” then there’s something wrong with you. But let’s say it’s early, and you haven’t eaten, and you’re opposable thumbs befuddle you… then order the Maple Bacon Coffee Porter, and melt into the day properly. This is like all those spandexed fellows drinking their food from their Ninja smoothie machines, except this kicks all their white-stripped teeth in. This is strong brew infused with maple bacon and coffee. Thank you Sir, may I have another.

And one more to keep things balanced…

Brewery: Brew Rebellion (San Bernardino, CA)

Beer: Saturday Morning Cartoons Breakfast Cereal Milk Stout

Bwaah? Sooo, uuhhh I’ma just maybe show you a picture of this one. I could spin you the finest yarn of this brew’s most granular peccadillos, but you know what they say a picture’s worth. Good Morning.