Happy Birthday, Taurus!

Taurus (22 Apr-22 May)-Your pragmatic point of view often keeps you from grasping the rich subtleties of life, Taurus, and this causes you to pout unnecessarily. No need to pull an “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to” mood; this month it’s time to celebrate. You love the hands-on experience, so lay your hands on something that gives you the physical sense of warmth and security you can’t live without. As fellow Taurean Sigmund Freud famously postulates, the sexual drive is a God. So get decked out like the glamour-puss you are, kick it into overdrive and go get some! It’s your birthday, dammit!

Gemini (23 May-22 Jun)-Word play is great fun, Gemini, and almost no one pulls a pun better than you, what with your razor-sharp wit and clever humor, but come on already! The best textual relationship loses its interest quickly with a total lack of action. It’s no secret you require vast fields of personal freedom, but lately you’re resisting experiences that don’t require you to sacrifice your liberty, just because you’re stuck in an obstinate funk. Usually you can pull yourself quickly out of any funk-hole, so do it at once, and laissez le bon temps roule. (Let the good times roll!)

Cancer (23 Jun-23 Jul)-Being a pathological saver, you’ve created a stock-pile of things that help you feel safe, old relationships included, and you have become a cluttered, emotional mess. You are so afraid of being rejected that you will cling on to any old scrap of memory, no matter how bad, and return to it time and time again, perpetuating your own misery. Stop playing martyr to your mistakes and move on. Start by clearing out the emotional garbage you’ve collected. Trust your ability to be alone and you just might have something worth keeping wash your way when you least expect it.

Leo (24 Jul-23 Aug)-Having a stroke of bad luck doesn’t mean that the universe hates you, so ease up on all the ‘FML’ talk. Take some of the time you spend sitting around absorbed in thinking about yourself and try to focus on something that might actually boost your wavering confidence. Thankfully your insecurities are tempered by your idealistic nature. It’s this that causes you to live in a world of visions.Your summer will be a lot sunnier if you start envisioning a positive path for your life. Don’t delay, or “I, The King” will become “I, the pauper” before you can roar, Leo.

Virgo (24 Aug-23 Sept)-Don’t you know that nobody likes a know-it-all Virgo? Your constant one-up-man-ship is obsessive and condescending and is really only a twisted mask for your fear of the unknown. Life doesn’t have an instruction manual, you control-freak, so stop behaving like you’ve already had every experience and let someone else’s light melt that icy heart of yours. It will make for a steamy summer full of suprises if you let it.

Libra (24 Sept-22 Oct)-Your airy willingness to be wide open to the world coupled with your divine command for language and love of conversation can sometimes be a lethal combination that can get you into hot water. You are so comfortable in your own skin that you tend to forget others may not be. Speaking candidly about sensitive issues is no big deal to you and you don’t typically internalize about how others may view you, but the airing of intimate details can sometimes upset a love interest and turn the tide against you. Loose lips sink ships, Libra, and those aren’t the kind that get you laid again.

Scorpio (23 Oct-22 Nov)-It’s all smoke and mirrors to you, Scorpio. You shift and move and play the ‘Pensive Loner’ card when all you really want is someone to love you. Your innate mistrust of people keeps your discriminating taste sharp, but it can be so piercing that you chase away all chances for the love you seek. Your brooding can be mistaken for an inflated ego when actually you are just trying to find your own truth. Get off the war-path with your deep, dark, emotional self and, as in the words of famous fellow-Scorpio Teddy Roosevelt, walk softly but carry a big stick.

Sagittarius (23 Nov-22 Dec)-You have a keen eye for opportunity and a sure foot, Sagittarius, so don’t let a disappointing Plan A keep you from immediately implementing Plan B. If your current partner doesn’t understand your need to relate on a friendship level that respects your inescapable curiosity and your wanderlust, then you need to get a new partner. Just because you love to explore doesn’t mean you’re out there boffing around, and aren’t you sick of having to defend yourself all the time? Is there someone in your world already who adores this half-human, half-wild animal aspect of you enough to let it run wild and still trust you? Chances are there is, so get on the trail and get down on it with someone who gets you. What are you waiting for?

Capricorn (23 Dec-20 Jan)-It’s no secret that you’re the worst control-freak of the zodiac, and it’s likely that you are feeling your grip slip away this month. In matters of the heart, your main motivation isn’t always love or romance. If you’ve made the choice to pair up solely for security’s sake, then you are in for a rough summer as this proves to be a mistake. Your caution borders on the fanatic and your inability to open up on any emotional level gives you the image of being shifty and untrustworthy. You’re actually a closet-romantic, so don’t be afraid to tell the truth about all those scary feelings you pretend you don’t have.

Aquarius (21 Jan-20 Feb)-Just because you love the concept of humanity, Aquarius, doesn’t mean that you necessarily like the people who comprise it. You just happen to carry an idealized view, just like good old Prometheus who stole the gift of fire from the Gods and gave it to humans because he thought the Gods were treating them unfairly. You are the epitome of selflessness, always striving for justice for the little guy, foregoing any personal gain, and yet people accuse you of being insensitive and rigid. WTF? It could be because your assessments of all you perceive, though they are spot-on, lack any emotion whatsoever. It’s great that you can call a spade a spade and never be wrong, but choose words carefully and don’t be hasty with the annoying little humans, or you’ll end up like old Prometheus, captured by Zeus and tied to a rock while an eagle comes to eat your liver day after day. Instead of being a hard-headed Richard Cranium, try a little tenderness.

Pisces (21 Feb-21 Mar)-You live in a world without boundaries, a realm with no measurable depths, and it seems that despite your machine-like hard work, a new tidal wave of disillusionment threatens to wash away everything you’ve worked for. For all your insight, Pisces, there are some people in your life who try to take advantage of you time and time again, having become familiar with your willingness to forgive and forget all the things they have done to let you down…things that directly affect your happiness and well-being. You deserve more from the people you go to the ends for. Demand a little support from them for a change or cut them loose. But no matter how dark the looming sky, don’t give up. Nobody is better than you at navigating stormy seas. A sunny day awaits.

Aries (22 Mar-21 Apr- Ah, Aries, the Great Utopian. Nobody loves rooting for the underdog like you. If life hasn’t been too pleasing lately for you, it may be because all the weak, downtrodden and lost souls you are always trying rescue thanks to your undying need for a ‘quest’ aren’t really worth the lengths you go to save them. Look around…they’re losers! And if your eternal quest only consists of the rescue or the hunt and you only love what you can’t have, you will ultimately be left with nothing but the next mission to look forward to. Sure, chasing your dreams, whether it’s your dream-job or your dream-lover, can be a zesty undertaking, but don’t dismiss the joy that comes with actually capturing that golden fleece. To the victor go the spoils. Duh, it’s called winning. Learn to enjoy it.