Rows and rows of man teeth. Like sharks, but in man.

Professional orthodontic scientists are fiddling with genetic mutations in teeth of various species, in an attempt to replace dentures with actual teeth… of your own. Human teeth are being grown in laboratories (which we’ll expound upon in a minute), or at least portions of teeth, which could theoretically not at all ever be assembled into an actual whole real tooth.

Researchers at Harvard and U. of TX discussed their findings with abc news, reporting that they’ve grown “natural enamel and dentin” in a petri dish. They continued that they “dissected tissues borrowed from extracted wisdom teeth. Then they added extra genes to the tissue cells that make up the tooth’s outer shell, enamel and its inner hard surface, dentin so the cells would continue to replicate in culture. After nurturing these cells in moist conditions, the team soon had human tooth parts growing in culture”.

Do you even realize what this means?! This is gigantic. Children around the globe are rejoicing in waves of flaming bristles. Can you imagine the ability to swap out a cavity-ridden tooth, for a brand new chomper from your set of extra actual teeth?? Colgate collapses. Crest crumbles. Floss forecloses.

In the year 3000, man will have obscured the genome responsible for tooth development. He will crack rows upon rows of maxillary bicuspids and mandibular premolars. A canine splinters on a partially rehydrated protein pouch, and another inches its way down to backfill. Rather than the oral cavity relieving itself of its baby teeth, supplanted by the one and only final set of adult teeth to be relied upon into dust… we’ll shed teeth regularly. Dentists and Orthodontists will be among the most popular professionals at the mixer. Governments will develop interior offices for the Department of Orthodontics. Politicians will campaign for Secretary of Dentistry.