TMZ – Lindsay Lohan wants $100 million from E-Trade — because she believes their “milkaholic” baby featured in their Super Bowl commercial was modeled after her…and as far as Lindsay’s concerned, the smoking gun is all in the name. The commercial features a baby named Lindsay — who in the spot, is accused of being the “other woman” in a baby love triangle. Lohan has filed a lawsuit in Nassau County Supreme Court in NY, first obtained by the NY Post, in which she claims E*TRADE violated Lohan’s rights by using her “name and characterization” in business without paying her or getting her approval. Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, tells TMZ it doesn’t matter that the commercial doesn’t mention the name Lohan, adding, “Do you know the name Oprah? Do you know the name Madonna? Same thing.” Ovadia had no comment on the “milkaholic” reference, saying “If you look at the commercial as a whole, it’s Lindsay Lohan.” E*TRADE had no comment.

Man, for the first time in my life I actually wish I had tits and my name was Lindsay. That’s it, I’m going to get an emergency sex change and join-in on this little tirade. It would be great because I’m already an alcoholic with a five-a-day White Russian habit. They contain milk, so there’s my case. This would be great. I could gather all the bartenders I know, some friends, even my probation officer, and bribe them all to be character witnesses for me…


They would be like, “Yeah, sure Lindsay is an alchy and a whore. E-Trade made fun of her at the Superbowl.” PAY Her! Wow. That would be a great way to pay off my bills and fix my otherwise, unattractive life. I could be like, “Look your Honor, I did upset a few people at E-Trade when I diversified, but hey, business is business. They didn’t have to air a commercial about me, slandering my name, calling me a…. a.. *sniff – sniff * a milk-a-holic. I mean, what the Hell? Who doesn’t drink milk? Everyone drinks milk. Madonna drinks milk, Oprah drinks milk. I drink milk and get singled out? My name is Lindsay and there are no other Lindsays besides me. I have single name recognition too. Jeez, can a milk-a-holic live? Come on your Honor, please just tell me I won…..”

Good luck Lohan. You will have better luck suing your agent. My predictions for this case. They settle out of court with a six pack of Mike’s and some skittles. Either that, or Lohan gets whacked. E-Trade is like the CIA of Wall Street.

~ Chef