Can someone please tell me why its freezing outside and just when exactly its going to get warm again? I certainly didn’t move to Florida for this weather! It was so cold last night I had to make a fire out of the Prodigy’s empty Miller Light boxes just to heat the mansion. Damn this recession! Aside from the cold, March is generally an awesome month and this year is shaping up to be no different.
We have March Madness gearing up to decide who will be crowned the new NCAA college B-ball champs. If you go with the polls, Kansas should roll through the competition but the real question is who will the upset be? I’d like to see Richmond kick some butt, go Spiders arachnophobia! For more on March Madness check out pg. 23. Do it before you fill out this year’s bracket, that way you won’t get beat by the secretary again in your office pool.
Also in this issue is everyone’s favorite fist-pumpers and newest South Florida Residents, the cast of the Jersey Shore. By the time you read this, MTV will have already started shooting season two (March 2). Man, I hope I bump into them at the club– I want to give Paulie D a noogie! See if I can’t mess that hair up a little bit. Plus, I’m pretty sure I could make out with Snooki if I met her. Come on who wouldn’t?
Also in our entertainment section this month we have Dr. Conrad Murray, MJ’s Propofol-delivering doctor has been brought up on manslaughter charges for the late pop star’s death. In our health section this month we have a great piece from our resident wordsmyth Anthony Palacios on the dangers of playing the Wii while intoxicated. Seriously folks it’s not cool to punch your friends in the face playing boxing at 4am after leaving Side Bar. Not to mention, it doesn’t look like Obama is going to be getting us health care anytime soon and you certainly don’t want to put that trip to the ER on your Amex. So be careful out there, and remember friends don’t let friends drink and play Nintendo.
Check out the hot new Dodge Viper SRT10 in our Automotive section. This car is not for the faint of heart; check its’ stats on pg. 39. For those of you who chronically break the rules, keep an eye out for “Being Bad Can Be Good For You” sneak preview: number four is the Chronic! Last but not least, if it’s a smile or two you’re in need of, check the Sports section to read about the Mighty Morphin Power Ranger with three first names who challenged Jean Claude Van-Damme to an MMA fight. Can someone call Dana White (president of the UFC) and please make this happen? I think we need to do more of this type of celebrity MMA. If you want to be famous, fight for it, that’s what I say! I wanna see JWoww Vs. any member of The Hills cast or Andy Dick Vs. David Spade. I gotta a bill on our girl from Jersey and two bills on Spade–he’s a feisty little devil! As always, don’t forget to check out Chronic Laughter on the last two pages of every issue. Remember South Florida, if I forgot you I got you, have a great March! Zarrelli out.