Aaaand I just shot Four Loko straight out my nose…BWAAAAAAAHHH  HAHAHAHAHA. Is this kid serious about himself right now? I feel like I just watched a bad version of Malibu’s Most Wanted. The Brooklyn version.

Look dude. Keepin it pimpin’ is simple. One rule is never pluck your eyebrows like a chick in your mom’s bathroom. Everyone knows this. I can just picture you in there all leaning over the sink, ass out, tweezers in hand, big ass nose leaving grease marks on the mirror. Then a knock on the door. “Arnold Bernard Green! You come out here this instant and take out this trash, boy I’ve already told you three times..!” To which you reply, “But moooom! I told you I don’t take out the trash anymore. I’m a famous rapper..!” To which momma Green replys,”Fine you can’t have the Prius this weekend to go see Harry Potter like you wanted.” Then, the tears start. The blood starts to boil. You go into panic attack and booom..! You strip down naked, tuck your nuts between your legs, and smear bright red lipstick all around your mouth and let out a big sigh… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..

Second man rule. Never get a perm. Your “Steady Mobbing” video had so much grease flying around I thought I was in the kitchen at Kentucky Fried Chicken during dinner time. What are you thinkin’ mang? You need to tone down on the Soul Glow, man-gina breath!

Third man rule. Calling your girls “bitches” is grand opening-grand closing my man. Unless of course she has no self esteem which I’m sure is all you can muster up with the way you verbalize adjectives and nouns.  How does it feel texting and texting and texting and texting your one night stands only to have no reply… Every. Single. Time.

I am just so confused right now, it’s like almost impossible for me not to grab my bottle of Jack and just start soul searching. You have me questioning alot of things right now. I guess it makes me wonder if I will…

  1. Ever see any of your so called “spanglish” speaking girls on a video.
  2. Ever hear your real voice, which I’m sure sounds like you got a masters at Harvard.
  3. Ever watch a real music video and not you holding your camcorder all the time.
  4. See you in the Metro, shot dead in Dorchester somewhere.

I mean get with it man. Where’s the hustle? Where’s the ice on that wrist? Show me a big ol bag of weed? Show me you aren’t going to Harvard? Anything. If you want to be a famous white rapper you need some drama first. Hanging out unemployed in your rich folks’ crib all day won’t make anyone care shit about you when it comes to the real. You have no what’s it called…. Oh yeah, S.C. STREET CRED…

That’s it. Cue the real white gangster rapper…. TSIM FUKIS!!!!!