TMZ- The woman who claims Slash’s wife kicked her in the stomach at an Ozzy Osbourne concert this week is a PLUS-SIZED PORN MODEL named Samantha Slopes … TMZ has learned. Sources close to Slopes tell us … the model claims she and Slash had interacted online multiple times in the past year and she went to the Ozzy concert to watch Slash perform. Slopes has told friends she was watching the show in the crowd when Slash and his wife Perla suddenly approached her … and Slash told her, “You caused a lot of trouble.” Slopes claims Perla suddenly kicked her in the stomach — and had to be dragged away by security.

And here in lies the problem with obesity. One minute you are at a concert with your wife. The next minute your wife’s foot accidentally gets caught in a fat lady’s belly flap. Can’t go anywhere nowadays without some fat person just rollin’ up on your scene. Eating all the shrimp cocktail. Eating all the puff pastries. Tongue fucking all the grape jelly.

I’m sure Slash was just trying to have fun at the Ozzy concert. He has been married to this lady, Perla, for like a decade now. Then some crazy groupie web cam lady from  comes along and scares the sh*t out of them. The wife’s first reaction was to kick the closet thing near her in self defense. And at that point, it was most likely that ladies 102 inch waist.

I gotta tell you though. If Perla went around and kicked every groupie Slash slept with it would take her a few long years.

P.S –  GUNT =  Gut + CU…..    You guess the rest…