Best place to start an apparel company founded on industrial hemp as their textile… Let’s see, let’s see… best place, apparel, hemp textiles… best place… Amsterdam?!

Bingo! You could launch an apparel brand based on discarded meth cauldrons, and “Amsterdam” would give you the go-ahead. Amsterdam loves drug-wear.

Anyway, Forbes recently ran a bit on apparel company “Hoodlamb“, an Amsterdam-based brand. The company launched in 1993, by founder Doug Mignola, who “wanted a better post-surf jacket and also loved the idea of working with industrial hemp”. Mignola gets his hemp from the Chinese. Where do you get yours? Forbes notes the hemp, “comes from Northern China and is grown chemical free on family farms, some of which are owned and operated by women. The raw fiber is then spun into a durable fiber that is used to make the fabric for Hoodlamb jackets. Even the water resistant coating on the jackets comes from natural cellulose taken from hemp stalks. Hemp fabric alone would be pretty stiff and scratchy, so it is combined with organic cotton to soften the feel of the fabric.” Thank you Forbes.

It does sound kinda nice, doesn’t it? A big puffy hemp jacket wound with organic cotton to “soften the feel”… Mmmm, hempy. These folks here are wicked Amsterdamy.

Hoodlamb apparently invested some hard-earned Amsterdamian dollars into the production of the jacket: “not only will these jackets keep you warm, but they are also vegan and environmentally friendly… from cruelty-free sources and use no animal products. The faux fur trim feels amazingly real,” notes Forbes.

Yeah, it’s vegan and all, I get it. But what’s with the FAKE fur? It’s so faux. It’s animal-free, but it has fake animal fur on it… That would be like if it wasn’t made of hemp, but then it was lined with fake hemp, right? Everyone knows real hemp. Would you be able to tell fake hemp from the real thing?! …Did I just buy a bag of oregano?