Don't hide those balls Jiminy, be proud!

I always thought crickets were tough. Never backed down from shit. Now I know why. They may only be half the size of a human finger, but the cricket has one BIG claim to fame. Congratulations Jiminy, you have the largest testicles in relation to its body weight in the animal world.

Scientists have discovered that the male Tuberous Bushcricket has testes which are 14% of its whole body mass.

To put this into perspective, a man with the same proportions would have to carry testicles weighing as much as five bags of sugar each.

Not gonna look good in a speedo!

It beats the species of fruit fly (Drosophila bifurca), which was the previous record holder for the biggest testes as a percentage of male body mass, at 10.6%. Sorry bro. You were the big balls champ for awhile.

But despite this, the bushcricket does not necessarily produce the largest amount of sperm – contrary to traditional thinking – according to the study. (DId we really need to know this?)

The research, led by biologists at the University of Derby, was recently published today in Royal Society Journal Biology Letters.

Lead researcher Dr Karim Vahed, Reader in Behavioural Ecology at the university, said: ‘We couldn’t believe the size of these organs; they seemed to fill the entire abdomen.

Off the record, he noted. “Damn these muthaf*ckas got some big ole balls!”

Vahed said, ‘We are also interested in the reason why they are so large. An almost universal evolutionary rule appears to be that such variation in relative testes size is linked to female mating behavior. Testes tend to be larger in species where females are more promiscuous, as has been demonstrated in various species in fish, birds, insects and mammals.’

In the study Dr Vahed, Derby biology graduate Darren Parker, and Dr James Gilbert from the University of Cambridge compared relative testes size across 21 species of bushcricket.

Those crickets are now back in the field and are really big stars getting laid all the time. As if they weren’t before with those big ole balls.

P.S. No mention of penis size for these crickets in the entire article when I researched this. I mean its not about the balls anyways, is it? You never hear a girl say, “Well his d*ck was pretty small, but he had some HUGE balls! I will definitely be hooking up with im again.”