– A “whooping” bicycle rider facing a disorderly intoxication charge called a deputy a “Nazi” and said everyone was intoxicated but him, according to a recently released sheriff’s report. A Martin County Sheriff’s deputy in the early morning hours of Oct. 24 reported a man identified as Michael Ronald Porath, 45, pedaled his bicycle south on Southwest Cornell Avenue.

Porath made a “high pitched ‘whooping’ yell” while weaving from the north lane to the south lane, a report states. The “whoop” wasn’t likened by the deputy to any animal or other sounds in the report, but it apparently had some degree of volume.

Porath whooped sporadically as the deputy spoke to him. Asked to settle down, Porath said he was coming from a bar where he’d had “a few drinks and was in a good mood.” People exited area homes to watch the situation.

Porath was arrested on a disorderly intoxication charge. Porath asked that his bike be taken to his home in the 900 block of Southwest 30th Street and another deputy obliged the request. While in the back of the deputy’s vehicle, Porath called the law enforcer a “mother (expletive)” and a “Nazi.” Michael began to argue that he was not intoxicated but everyone else was, the report states.

Well here we have another rediculous arrest. I understand the guy was only charged with “disorderly intoxication” but I have reasons to add more violations. I saw at least 5 more offenses and maybe a felony involved here. He got off with a slap on the wrist as far as I’m concerned.

Offense #1 – Public Disorderly intoxication, was duley noted. However. I have complied a list of all the others he could be charged with.

2 – Assault and Battery – Weapon: deadly word – He called the officer a “Nazi.” Back in the early 1940’s if you were considered a Nazi, you could possibly be shot or hanged. That could be considered a threat. Laws never changed. Guilty!

3 – Impersonation – Claiming to be sober, when apparently he is a “Drunk Cyclist.” If you are going to be in the Tour De Drunk Pants, you can’t honestly be a sober cyclist. Guilty!

4 – J-Cycling – He was swearving in and out of traffic? Hello people! The dude was clearly not staying between the lines. Which brings me to my next offesnse. Guilty!

5 – CWI – Cycling While Intoxicated – Under section 4.59, chapter 9.134, statute AB.143 and statute AD.83 you are guilty of Cycling While Intoxicated if you are biking while under the influence of alcohol, but are found to have a ten speed. Then you are considered, by law, to be an actual cyclist and are therefore considered a Drunk Cyclist. Guilty!