"I'm getting dizzy Captain."

I know that there is a major global catastrophe at hand in the Gulf of Mexico right now. Trust me, the whole Chronicle staff does. We all hope they can find a way to plug this gaping hole in the ocean floor that is spewing nearly 200,000 gallons of crude a day into the Gulf of Mexico, pronto. I know this is no laughing matter, but they said this could cause more environmental damage than spring break in Fort Lauderdale. We can’t fish, we can’t boat, we can’t swim hardly and it seems it could get even worse within the next week because they can’t figure a way to plug the God damn thing. More is being done that one can fathom including opening Mississippi levees to increase downward water flow back into the ocean, redirecting currents to bypass oil contamination onshore, chemical dispersant, dredging, and ultimately trying to plug this hole. However, I just can’t understand with all this environmental concern why the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee (link) is deliberating on “Who done it?” rather than how they plan to fix it. Shouldn’t this come later? Like, bill them for the damages later. After reading (link) this article, it seems like the real reason is a faulty part, piece or whatever that broke and then the corrective measure failed. Sounds typical of any operation that doesn’t have the correct emergency procedures in place. For now though I guess they are trying to siphon the oil directly back into an oil tanker through the use of a large pipe with a “barrel sized” dome at the end of it… Rumors have it, Tiger’s mistress, Joslyn James, is on the other end. (BP will be providing her with $3 million dollars and a show on E! next fall.)

"I Suck."

But seriously folks, what can possibly be done to help? The National Gaurd is building walls at this point to protect the wetlands, the fishing boats have turned into oil-slick catchers, the surfers have…well, they are probably just sleeping or something..

"This should stop those damn Poachers. Sir, it's an oil spill. Shut up private."

Anyways, what is the next step, Mr. President? Should we get NASA involved? Why isn’t NASA involved. My cousin who goes to MIT could figure it out in his sleep and he is still a virgin! Why aren’t we using every available resource of labor we have to fix this problem.?

“With cleanup efforts in high gear, a blame game will unfold in Washington on Tuesday as executives from BP and two other companies involved, Transocean Ltd. and Halliburton Co., appear before Senate panels probing the disaster.” – AP Wire