Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

Success doesn’t come easy in this day and age, especially in politics. With the gap between right and left widening, getting anything done on Capitol Hill these days is nearly impossible. That’s why we, here at the Chronicle, would like to take this time to say, ‘Damn it feels good when your President’s a gangster!’ We all had our doubts at first: was he old enough? Was he too much of a celebrity? Did he possess the character to push through his agenda? Well, critics be silenced. This guy delivers.

When Obama entered office, he immediately rolled right over the credit card companies, passing a law that protects consumers from interest gouging, double-cycle billing and the little black print used by credit card companies to scam their clients. Then it was the epic battle for healthcare. The President pushed through his healthcare reform bill, insuring an extra 32 million Americans who previously had no access to medical care. After that, the Prez shot over to Russia to hammer out the biggest arms reduction since the Cold War, limiting the amount of tactical nukes each country can possess to under fifteen-hundred, officially the lowest number of any U.S.-Russia arms agreement in history. Not bad for the first two years!

Now he’s taking on Wall Street and rightfully so. We, as Americans, should give him our full support. ‘Too big to fail’ is a phrase that should not exist in American society. Believe me, if your business fails, the government won’t be sending you a check to stay afloat. Corporate welfare is nonsense and it goes against our capitalist roots. We need strong financial regulation to ensure that another financial meltdown like this doesn’t happen again. If you go to sleep one night and wake up the next day to find out your house is worth 60% less, there’s no denying that something is definitely wrong.

As for the people like Fabrice Tourre, the VP of Goldman Sachs who made money off the crash by designing investments “that were made to fail”, they should be incarcerated. They suggested these designed losers to their own clients so the company could make money betting against them. It’s text-book fraud; they are criminals and should be treated accordingly. Anyone who still invests with Goldman Sachs after this is either certifiably crazy or doesn’t read the news. To allow the people responsible for this to still use these unethical practices would not only be detrimental to their clients but to the US economy as a whole. Wall Street has to be reined in for this country’s economy to stabilize and get back on sound financial ground.

The focus of the civil lawsuit filed by the Security and Exchange Commission against Goldman Sachs was an investment called Abiacus 2007-AC1. Abiacus was designed by Fabrice Tourre and defrauded investors of over a billion dollars. All the while, the firm (Goldman Sachs) made a fortune betting against it. Companies should never be allowed to make money betting against their own clients, especially when those clients are paying top dollar for their expert advice. This is a standard we can all get behind, no matter what side of the aisle we stand on. Fortunately for us, our President, Barack Obama, has lowered his crosshairs on Wall Street in an effort to take down these pin-striped criminals, and you better believe some heads are gonna roll. Damn, it feels good when your President’s a gangster!

Barack Obama has systematically targeted unethical corporate giants and made life better for the average American. He has made improvements across the board in this country, and now that the whole place doesn’t smell like stupid redneck anymore, it’s time for ‘We the People’ to say thanks. So from all of us here at the South Florida Chronicle, and all of you out there in TV land, we would like to say, “Thank you, President Obama. You kick ass like Chuck Norris, and we love it.”

-Patrick Zarrelli