The Chef

According to the Urban Dictionary, a “baller” was once defined as a street ball player who had risen from his beginnings to make millions as a pro-ball player. Today it generally refers to any thug (including Captains of Industry-types) who “made it” to the big time and is now living large. Regardless of whether his street cred is legit, or if he spent weekends growing up in the Hamptons and the rest is just frontin’, every Baller has to get his home bar game down right.

Whether you’re coming from a nice dinner for two at Casablanca Cafe or a night out with that cougar you met at Voodoo, having the right after-party at your crib comes down to simple science.  Good taste comes from careful consideration.

Stocking your Baller bar can be a very expensive and confusing experience for many. What should you get? Vodka, rum, whiskey, scotch, gin, cognac?What’s popular? What vintages are best? Will this get me laid? Good questions, all. Here is a simple Top Ten list of the booze that’s buzzworthy enough to have at your crib, so you look as though everything you touch turns to gold:

1. Veda Black Ice ($60) veda
This spirit comes from Russia, the motherland of vodka, and is filtered through a platinum filtration screen (yes, platinum). Veda gets its name from an ancient Russian verb, vedat, which means “to know.” You getting this bottle for your Baller bar will get you to know your date a little better, as well.  Use when: You really need an excuse to crank some house music at 3 a.m.

2. The Glenlivet 12-year-old Single Malt Scotch ($26)Glenlivet
One of the most famous malts in the world, perhaps on account of the story of George Smith, an illegal distiller in Speyside who went legit when he obtained the first license to legally distill whiskey in 1824. A staple to any good Scotch collection. Use when: You feel like a Mob Boss because you snagged some Cuban cigars over the Internet.

3. Woodford Reserve ($34)woodford reserve
Looking to stay warm on those cold winter nights in South Florida? No. Well, do it anyway, because this bourbon is top of the line and was named American Whiskey of the Year in both 2005 and 2006. Plus, if you visit the distillery you can get the bottle custom-crafted to say “Bill’s Baller Bar.” Use when: You are fresh out of reasons not to drink.

4. Ultimat Vodka ($87)ultimat
Formerly the most expensive vodka on the market, the quality of the spirit is Grade-A, and the hand-made cobalt blue crystal bottle is pretty swank, as well. Use when: Mashed potatoes are interfering with your liquid diet.

5. Partida Elegante Tequila ($350)partida
Seriously folks, after you try this 36-month oak barrel-aged tequila, you may not drink anything else ever again. With the fancy bottle, the leather strap and the sterling silver pendant, this bottle should have its own spot on the bar. Use when: The other stuff didn’t make her clothes come off.

6. Magellan Gin ($30)magellan
The blue tint and fresh floral aroma come from the fourth distillation, in which the distiller steeps the gin in fresh Iris petals. Especially smooth, I hear you can drink this stuff straight and feel no hangover at all. Great for Sunday nights, I guess. Use when: Tony Sinclair finally comes out of the closet.

7. Pyrat XO Planters Gold Reserve Rum ($40)pyrat
Had wine not been the drink of choice 2,000 years ago, Jesus would have probably turned every drop of water on Earth into Pyrat Rum XO Reserve. Hand-blown, the bottle comes with a medallion that depicts Hoti, the Goddess of Bartenders. Use when: Pirates of the Caribbean is playing, and you just found that stash you were looking for weeks ago.

8. Cognac Ferrand Selection Des Anges Grande Champagne ($130)Cognac Ferrand
What more can I say?  The French do everything right. This fully mature 30-year-old cognac is a deep, amber-gold in color, and unveils thick, rich, musky, spicy flavors. Use when: You want to drink out of a glass called a ‘snifter.’

9. Johnnie Walker 15-year-old Green Label  ($50)JW Green
Arguably the richest horse in the Johnnie Walker stable, this blended whiskey horses and stables with blazing saddles with umm – did anyone get the license plate of that bus?  Use when: You have absolutely nowhere to go the next day besides the fridge and your couch.

10. Glace Luxury Ice Co. ($8 per Cube)Glace Ice
This is the jump-off for any serious Baller bar. These ice cube spheres are hand-carved and are shipped from Canada packed in dry ice. They don’t crack or dissolve too quickly in your drink so good news, people: your favorite cognac on the rocks just became smarter than you are.  Use when: They say pigs will never fly.