Late night has jokes………….

“Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.” -Jay Leno  

“In Louisiana, BP claims that it’s making progress with the leaking oil in the Gulf. They’re working on a plan to heat the Gulf up to 600 degrees and use it to fry chicken.” –Jimmy Kimmel  

“The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That’s like someone running over your dog and saying, ‘Don’t worry, my car is fine.'” —Jimmy Fallon  

“BP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, ‘No one wants this thing over more than I do. I’d like my life back.’ Tony, I’m so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I’d buy you a drink, but you’d probably spill that too … and make me clean it up.” —Craig Ferguson  

BP admits to Photoshopping  its images……..

The company has been caught doctoring photos of its repsonse to the worst oil spill in US history. Tech website Gizmodo has published two pictures that were posted on BP’s official website that clearly show signs of editing – and sloppy editing at that.  

One of the images, entitled “View of the MC 252 site from the cockpit of a PHI S-92 helicopter 26 June 2010”, was removed from the site after Gizmodo pointed out the helicopter was not in the air but in fact on the ground.  

The most glaring error is in the top left hand corner – an air traffic control tower that shouldn’t be there.  

Other mistakes include a disappearing boat, the poor cropping of the one of the pilot’s shoulders, a bottle on the roof and the fact that you can see tarmac out of one of the windows. Close examination of the control panel also indicates that the helicopter’s door and ramp are open and the parking brake on, says Gizmodo.  

BP has not responded to Gizmodo’s claims but earlier this week it was forced to admit that an image of its control center in Houston had been altered to make it look busier.  

Picture Slideshow.  Warning Graphic…..


Nine Strange Facts about the Spill…

1. BP execs were celebrating safety on the Deepwater Horizon at the exact moment it blew up.  

In a curious twist, BP chose April 20 as the date for an onboard party to commemorate “Deepwater Horizon going for seven years without an accident.” A number of company executives reportedly flew out to the rig to take part in the festivities. The natural gas explosion that killed 11 crew members and eventually sank the rig “blew out the wall leading to the galley, where [the] party was being held.”

2. Kevin Costner is offering a Hollywood ending.  

After the Exxon Valdez spill, Costner sunk $24 million of his own money into developing a machine — it resembles “a giant vacuum cleaner” — capable of quickly separating oil from water. He says his patented “Ocean Therapy” system can recover much of the crude now marring the Gulf. “It’s prepared to go out and solve problems, not talk about them,” Costner says.

3. Louisiana’s tradional “Shrimp and Petroleum Festival” will proceed as planned.  

Morgan City, LA, is celebrating the 75th annual Louisiana Shrimp and Petroleum Festival, even as gobs of sweet crude are threatening to wipe out the state’s seafood business for a generation. “All systems are go,” said Lee Delaune, the festival’s director. “We will honor the two industries as we always do. More so probably in grand style, because it’s our diamond jubilee.”

4. BP thinks there are walruses in the Gulf of Mexico.  

In the company’s “Regional Oil Spill Response Plan, Gulf of Mexico” — a document that tragically ignores the possibility of an event resembling the current spill — BP lists walruses as one of the “Sensitive Biological Resources” in the Gulf. As most average second-graders know, the blubbery mammals reside exclusively in the Arctic.

5. The Soviets would have nuked the leak.  

According to the newspaper Pravda, the Soviet Union used nuclear weapons to shut down oil-well blowouts five times between 1966 and 1977. “The underground explosion moves the rock, presses on it, and, in essence, squeezes the well’s channel,” the paper says, arguing that the U.S. should try the same approach.

6. Certain sea turtles just can’t catch a break.  

In 1979, endangered Kemp’s Ridley sea turtles were airlifted from Mexico to the Gulf Coast so they wouldn’t be wiped out in the huge Ixtoc blowout, the oil disaster that most closely parallels the BP spill. Now, in their transplanted nesting ground, the species could be wiped out by the Deepwater Horizon gusher.

7. BP may be charged royalties on every drop of spilled oil.  

Under the law, oil spilled is the same as oil sold. So with the Deepwater Horizon gushing tens of thousands of barrels per day (by many estimates), BP — which has been notoriously “conservative” with leak-rate estimates — may already be liable for as much as $35 million in taxes on the oil released into the Gulf.

8. The disaster could thaw relations between the U.S. and Cuba.  

The spill has led the two countries to engage in rare talks as the U.S. tries to avert damage to Cuba’s “pristine coral reefs, miles of mangroves, and nesting areas for green sea turtles.” David Guggenheim, a senior fellow at the Ocean Foundation in Washington, says, “We caused this mess [so] how are we going to help them deal with it?”

9. “Brownie” thinks a conspiracy is afoot.  

Michael Brown, who famously did a “heckuva job” managing the federal response to Katrina, thinks that the government’s relative inaction in this latest Gulf Coast disaster is best explained by a conspiracy theory: The president doesn’t really want to plug the leak, says Brown, because doing so might interfere with his secret plot “to bankrupt the coal industry, and basically get rid of the oil and gas industry.”

HAS THE LEAK BEEN STOPPED..  Operation “Top Kill”  video release on 7/16/2010


Ridiculous Names for the acronym BP…

1. Broken Pipe
2. Broken Promises
3. Blown Pensions
4. Black Ponds
5. Behaving Poorly
6. Blot & Pillage
7. Break & Pollute
8. Blunder & Poison
9. Begin Polluting
10. Botched Plans
11. British Polluters
12. Bringing Pollution
13. Been Polluting
14. Bad Press
15. Buoyant Petroleum
16. Barely Preventing