Soon to be the past-tense governor of Florida, Charlie Christ is in the news today for saying he may finally pardon ’60s rocker Jim Morrison. The pardon would be for Morrison’s 1969 charge of indecent exposure in which he drunkenly waived his cock around at a Florida Doors’ concert. Naturally Morrison was arrested and dragged off stage at the time and it has all become sort of rock and roll legend at this point, but why is this on Crist’s agenda? That’s all he has to do up there in Tallahassee these days? Half the state is unemployed and the other half is upside down in their mortgage, and somehow he has the time to pardon dead rockers? Well guess what Charlie, Jim Morrison wouldn’t even want to be pardoned! An indecent exposure charge to a hippie in the ’60s was like a right of passage. So if you don’t mind, we would appreciate it if you spent your time governing for the living because for us it only feels like we’re dying. After all, everyone knows if you truly want to go after the hippie vote, all you have to say is “I’ll legalize pot.” You don’t have to pardon dead flashers!

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