Happy Birthday, Leo!


Leo ( Jul 23-Aug 22)-If you’ve been choking for a breath of financial air this summer, Leo, you’re in luck as Mercury hits the brakes and spins it in reverse to give you a chance to do a thorough little review of how you’ve been mucking up your money matters. Lay off the theatrics and do the work to get your sh*t straight before Jupiter the travel bug bites you in the ass and you get all itchy to hit the road. Rearranging more than just your rooms will give you a new perspective and you just may find a few nickels to rub together so you can justify taking that exciting end of summer adventure.  

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)-You love to plan for and guarantee your security in the future, Virgo, but no way did you see this one coming. An old flame will give you a blast from the past and try to work back into your life. Despite your discriminating tough-skinned exterior, you really are a sentimental softy, so if this person left a lingering impression on your heart, you had better start devising some new solutions to those old problems that made your sizzle fizzle. Fear of the unknown has a paralyzing grip on you, but an unplanned future may be just what you need, so open up!  

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)-Hopefully you’ve been committed to your yoga regimen, Libra,  because August will see you stretched to the limits. Stable Saturn and impulsive Mars in your sign give you quite a balancing act to tackle, but there is nobody better at tempering opposites so they graciously get along with you. You’ll need a federal reserve of strength to keep things on an even keel, so don’t give up when you feel spread too thin and find your creativity choking–you’ve seen tougher days than these and still managed to find some beauty in them.  Buck up so you don’t buckle under.  

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)-August is going to be a scorcher for you too, Scorps…a parade of lovers-past armed to light your fire all over again will be marching down your street, straight to your bed if you let them, and we all know what a sex fiend you can be. After you’re done gloating over your irresistable prowess, you’ll soon be reminded that most of your old flames just burned you and drove you crazy, and not in any of the hurts-so-good- ways.  Fortunately, along with the exes, the planet of unpredictability, Uranus, throws some old friends into the mix for an added bit of nostalgia. Good times are at hand so get yours while you can, but be ready to kick the unworthy ones to the curb when the flames start to flicker.  

Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21)-Ok, Sagittarius, you’ve been pussy-footing around telling the truth long enough now; time to fess up. You are and always will be a risk-taker and fortunately this month you’ve got a little help from Aries the instigator. It’s time to say what’s been on your mind and tell it like it is. Some weakling has made you question yourself and put all their sh*it on your shoulders and you aren’t really helping them with all your noble coddling. You don’t need to worry about how to say it; the impact of your message is much more important than the words you use to deliver it and it needs to be said. Now. It’s not up to you to help someone survive who doesn’t really want to. Time to take a stand, shoot an arrow into the unknown and put a stop to backhanded oppression.  

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)-Bust out your super-hero cape, Capricorn, because you are an unstoppable force in August. Your take-charge attitude is all revved up and ready to rocket through this month, kicking ass and taking names. The last few months have seen the wind knocked out of your sails and has caused some people in your life to become complacent when they really have a lot of work to do. They are in for a surprise when they realize that you mean business and have been given a super-human jolt of energy to see that work done to completion on your terms. Watch out, world, Capricorn is on a mission.  

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)-It’s no secret that you can be a colossal brat, what with that playfully rebellious streak of yours, but this month it’s like you’ve been given celestial immunity- you can say and do as you please, push all the wrong buttons in people and get away with any hijinks that please you, all without retribution or a twinge of guilt. Enjoy the freedom to be you in vivid living color without consequence. This planetary get-out-jail-free card is about as rare as Halley’s Comet, so be sure to thank those lucky stars for your free smart-ass pass.  

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)-You’re typically on such a fast-track of forward motion that most people miss how sentimental you can really be about the past. If an old flame left you reeling, you had better start preparing your heart for another go-around in August. A familiar heart-breaker in ‘old friend’ clothing will crop up and suggest a get-together for old times’ sake. Just be sure the old times were worth it before going down Repeat Road.  

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)-Now is not the time to tune out of your relationships, Aries. August sees results from your careful attention thus far, but bailing now for the sake of monotonous work will only be a setback. Work is important, yes, and for you ever moreso, but giving over to excessive worry about your career and finances will be the undoing of you and will cause your significant other to give up thinking they will always be on the back burner in your life. Use work to burn excess energy, but save a fair amount for your lover to keep the home fires burning because without someone to come home to, work will be the last thing on your mind and then what will you do?  

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)-Taurus, you are one sensual sign with love at the top of your list, and August will find the heat turned way up in your world. Someone delicious has been locked in your cross-hairs for some time, and this is the month where it may all come together. You may have to keep your juicy new relationship under wraps for a time, which will drive you to the brink of insanity but not to worry, the obstacles that have been in your way are about to dissolve into thin air, so you can shout it from the mountaintop. Be patient you old bull, and you’ll have plenty of sexy-time!  

Gemini (May 21-Jun 20)-Family issues are tugging at your heart and threatening to bring you down. Don’t let someone use your kindness against you to try to trap you into a life you already know is not for you and will not make the lives of others involved any better. The good news is you are resourceful and determined, and you have all the tools you’ll need to carve your way out of this difficult time. Spend time with people who lift you up and encourage you. Could it be that someone is already in your corner and sees your true worth? Don’t be afraid to let them be there for you to comfort you while you regain your strength. You’ll be back on top in no time to show all those naysayers they had you all wrong.  

Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)-Nobody can shag the flies that life hammers out better than you, Crab-meister! You can keep your cool no matter what comes flying in at 100 miles an hour. There may be some emotional turbulence left over, but it will be brief as long as you don’t give it too much attention. You’ve been steadily making changes within and without, so stick to your regimen and a brand new you will be hitting it big this fall. The Universe has some big surprises in store for you, you sexy bitch, and though you know you’ve got all the good stuff coming your way, pretend to be surprised at least a little, okay?