Spring has Sprung!

Spring Sky 2010

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) You Aries are adventure loving fools and usually Ram your way right into drama without a second thought.  While your adventurous spirit this spring is fun and infectious, throwing caution to the wind despite obvious warning signs is just plain stupid and is likely to maim, scar, or otherwise hideously disfigure your usually sexy and pleasing physique. Even daredevils like Evil Knievel took general precautions before committing crazy, death-defying feats.  Find new ways to be daring and different- -you don’t need to act like life is an audition for “Jackass” all the time, but if you do, hopefully you have insurance.  If not, be sure to send Obama a  little ‘Thank You’ note.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) You’ll get a big confidence boost this month- that is, if you don’t act like a little brat.  Your obstinancy tends to bristle when confronted with change, even if it’s you who has brought on the change. Like oxygen, the constant reassurance that you so thrive on is readily available if you’d stop pouting about all the new and exciting things in your life, things you’ve helped create. Everyone’s really sorry if mommy didn’t hug you enough and tell you how special you are, but your life is your own now, so embrace it. Own it and be happy for a change.  I mean, don’t you get tired of rolling around in your own bullsh*t? Sheesh…grow up!

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20) Hard work is one thing, you little Gem, but life is whizzing by at break-neck speed.  Are you trying to impress the big cheese with all this ‘nose-to-the-grindstone’ bit, or are you trying a little do-it-yourself martyrism on for size?  You don’t have to be the go-to guy or girl for every project that crops up and then moan because all you do is work.  Take a break from the rat-race and let your humor and particular brand of cuteness guide you to a little spring-time nookie, birds and bees style.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22) This is not your month.  Dark and mysterious Pluto is f*cking your sh*t up so you should stay home, curl up in your shell and think about what you’ve done.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22) Living like the King of the Jungle is going to take you down like the weak wildebeast in the herd, Leo, if you don’t reign in your spending.  Money troubles continue to plague you and it will be a long, hot, loveless summer for you with no cool cash lining your pocket. That is, unless you’re significant other really does love you for who you are; doubtful, though, so focus on work and keeping only connections that seem honest and fruitful.  You’re supposed to be the King so don’t let yourself get played like the Fool.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) Spring has made you vibrant and alive, Virgo, and you are probably getting laid more than anyone this month.  You’re all a-tingle, and strutting your stuff will no doubt bring all the boys to the yard.  Or the girls.  Whatever you’re into.  Either way, don’t jump headlong into waters that may prove to be deeper than you’re comfortable with, as you’ll be attracting a lot of eccentric (read: whacked out) people who just can’t get enough of you.  Your motto for the month: ‘One freaky Friday does not a relationship make.’

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) The stars are saying ‘sex, intimacy, travel & adventure’ will be the houses you will live in this month, though the empty dishes and stack of reading material currently occupying the ‘guest’ side of your bed may have you second-guessing if the universe is just f*cking with you. Your confidence may try to nose-dive on you although you feel all fired up and ready to reach new heights with the right caliber lover. Don’t worry, Spring will pop excellent up in your world, so get that love nest ready even if up to now it has been empty.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) It’s already Spring, Scorpio and you’re not where you intended to be in your fitness regimen.  You know better than anyone that this is the time for new beginnings, but so what if you’re a little late getting started! Forward motion is important since Mercury the Messenger kicks it in reverse this month, bringing with it a rash of visits from relationships past. (Hopefully none with an actual rash.) Have fun lighting old flames if you must, but in most cases old flames don’t have much wick left to burn.  Be ready to sting and move on.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) Someone close has been sucking the air out of you for long enough.  You should be focused on dusting off the old book of Kama Sutra in celebration of spring to make proper use of all that Tantric energy instead of prolonging a bad relationship.  Aim your arrow in another direction and follow the fun.  Once you can breathe a little easier, a chance to live the dream and make money will find its way to your lap and give you the ultimate dance where you collect those dolla-dolla bills.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) It’s no secret that with all your passive-aggressive pushiness, you really just want to rule the world.  It seems your heart is in the right place by wanting everyone you love to be happy, but when you try to bend people to your version of their happiness with the brute forces of guilt and temper tantrums, things turn ugly and nobody gets to have any fun.  Plan away, but be flexible and a spring fling just might go off without a hitch.

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) Neptune has been riding your sign hard for about a decade now, so your spiritual side is conditioned and probably needs a break.  All your soul-searching should start to yield results so you can start living the kind of life you want. You can make your immediate world a better place by cutting off all the dead weight you tend to collect and sever relationships that just drag you down.  You can rally people to see a brighter day, but don’t resort to spewing lame propaganda to try creating a rosy world without doing the work.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) You’re simply magnetic this spring, Pisces.  This may not be a good thing though as it is your outward attitude that drives the attraction.  Act superior and bitchy, and you’ll find superior and bitchy people all around you.  Act with integrity and kindness and you’ll get the same kind of sugar this season.  Really, now, it’s all up to you.  No more swimming upstream; it’s time to go with the flow, Pisces, and let the good times roll.