So legal herbal blends are just not enough. It was only a matter of time before we moved on to “legal” versions of all of our favorite drugs. I mean it’s the United States, baby. Find a loophole and exploit it!

Welcome tho the wonderful world of “Bath Salts”.

The half-gram bottle of bath salts promise an “invigorating” and “energizing” experience. Do they promise the paranoia, the jaw grinding and the overwhelming need to keep f*cking talking nonstop?!?

Numerous brands are marketed all over the country and via the Internet. Brand names include Blue Silk, Charge+, Ivory Snow, Ivory Wave and White Lightening.” A half-gram bottle sells for $25-$30.

The reason “bath salts” are starting to make headlines, is because the fake cocaine is sending kids to emergency rooms and mental hospitals all over Florida and across the country.

As federal officials prepare to ban synthetic marijuana (K2 and its copycats), head shops and convenience stores across Florida are stocking up on bottles of bath salts. Louisiana and Florida authorities have linked these bath salts to at least two suicides in Louisiana, along with 21 calls to Florida poison control centers and dozens of hospital visits in Central and South Florida in the past year.

“We’re seeing teenagers experiment with this,” said Dr. Nabil El Sanadi, chief of emergency medicine for Broward Health. “They will do stuff that they wouldn’t normally do, like dive from a third-story window into a pool. It’s very, very dangerous.”

That sounds like some good shit to me. I mean to fly like an eagle would be soooo cool!

Users usually snort the powder and experience effects similar to cocaine and crystal meth, El Sanadi said. But the euphoria often leads to paranoia, chest pains and irregular heart beats.

Those cases have popped up at Broward General Medical Center and other Broward Health hospitals, El Sanadi said.

The bath salts are found in many of the shops and gas stations that once sold legal weed, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, which has reported an alarming increase in abuse of the bath salts.

In December, the DEA listed a chemical, methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV), found in some of the bath salts as a drug of concern. MPDV stimulates the central nervous system and the federal agency is studying the drug. The chemical reportedly has caused intense panic attacks, psychosis and addiction, according to the DEA, which has no current plans to ban it.

The psychotic effects of the some of these products are what make them so dangerous, said Dr. Cynthia Lewis-Younger, director of the Florida Poison Information Center in Tampa.

“It makes people lose touch with reality,” she said. “They’re ending up in psychiatric institutions.”

These reactions may be linked to MPDV, the chemical which has been found in many of the salts, federal officials said. The chemical is not approved for medical use in the United States, and the United Kingdom banned it in April after linking it to several deaths.

A DEA ban is in the works for synthetic marijuana chemicals found in incense blends, which made headlines in 2010 as thousands of smokers of brands such as K2 and Spice were hospitalized across the country. Federal officials announced plans in November to outlaw the drug, and local authorities think retailers are looking at “bath salts” as a new way to make money.

“This is all about money,” Lantana Police Officer Nelson Berrios said. “The makers know what it is and they’re trying to skirt the law by selling it as something else.” Some of the products are labeled not for human consumption.

Across the country, poison-control centers got more than 232 calls about bath salts abuse in 2010, according to the American Association of Poison Control Centers. In Florida, 21 cases were reported.

Investigators are uncertain where the powder is made, but some think it comes from Asia and is packaged in the United States.

Kentucky already has filed legislation to ban the substance; the North Dakota’s Pharmacy Board has added several of those same chemicals to its banned-substance list.

Kristin Weiser, 43, said she paid $25 for a half-gram bottle of a bath salt product at a Fort Lauderdale gas station in November. She was looking for an energy boost, she said, and it kept her awake for days. The effect was so strong that it scared her and she has left the rest of the bottle untouched.

“It’s very dangerous. It needs to go off the market,” she said. “I haven’t touched it, I just won’t.”

Sounds like you already did. Now if I can just find a girl who wants to legally party like it’s 1999. I’m talking about a Four Loko, K2 and Bath Salt free for all!

Who’s with me!?!?