One day before my birthday on the 31st, King James celebrates his own. Unfortunately with maximum borrowed amount I can get off student loans, extended unemployment benefits, and all the bartering I could do with my EBT card, I still won’t be able to make the party he’s throwing over at the Gansevoort hotel tonight. So I’ll be spending a private evening alone in my room involving tangpagne (tang + yeast, allow to ferment, it’s alcoholic), eating the powdered flavoring they put in ramen noodles, and a playlist of MGMT, Ghostface Killah’s new album,  with some Kci and Jojo and wondering how it all went wrong. Though some say I’m doing better off not going. The Powerpoint invitation wasn’t really selling me anyway. And my fellow Chronicle-colleagu, The Chef, outraged by the asking price and the King James title, is calling for LeBron to be shot and hanged on the streets.

LeBron selling out? Sure. That’s why he’s here in South Beach in first place.  But you can’t question the guy’s right to royalty. It’s not his fault he didn’t want to come to New York after all the wet dreams Knick fans had over him the last 3 years. Yes, an entire 3 years. It was worse than the lady who stalked David Letterman with you guys. Everytime he dropped 30, ESPN had to talk about him coming to New York. I wanted to reach through the TV and gouge Stuart Scott’s eye. So I ‘m going to say something bad about the Knicks as I’m watching them trying to take on the Magic. Nice job rebounding. I stuck my neck out for you guys saying Stoudemire could be an MVP, but he hasn’t helped his case any in this stretch. It’s not the losing 4 out of 5 (potentially 5 out of 6 once J-Rich starts to get it going), it’s wussy stuff like this.

See here’s Amare putting LeBron on a poster. Nice play right?

Wasn’t anything like Griffin-on-Mosgov but it still was enough to make Spike get up and giggle over at the Heat’s house. I’ve got nothing wrong with plays like this… but not after LeBron tried to dunk on Stoudemire earlier in the 1st Quarter only to have Amar’e bail out of the paint that he’s paid millions to protect.

Better dunk. And Amar’e gets out of the paint, avoiding the play entirely. So there’ s no highlight there. This dunk gets no attention, and instead I go on facebook with a bunch of my tool sports friends that I should’ve deleted long ago all up in my grill like, “Yo! Stat just STUFFED IT down yo king’s crown.” But really the truth is that Stoudemire just can’t stand being on the  bad side of photography. Here’s James dunking on him last year when he was a Cav and Stat was a Sun.

Again, he’s just getting out of the way. What the hell? I bet there’s a bunch of other posters out there, but Nike’s probably confiscated all tapes and replays of it all. Now I’d expect this kind of stuff from Chris Bosh, but you’re Amar’e Stoudemire and you’re not even going to get up there and contest the King? I’ll put you back in my MVP consideration once I see you stepping up in the line of fire. So what? You’re going to get on some people’s posters, unless you’re a bear like Shaq, but it’s the price you pay to protect that paint. So what if LeBron wants to South Beach champagne crowd to party a night early? Whether it’s a basket or a spiked-punch bowl, he’ll still contest every dunk. And that’s why my mighty Heat have won 16 of their last 17 including 10 consecutive road wins, only 3 short of the NBA record set by Los Angeles Lakers of the early 70’s. That’s right we’re talking the Wilt, West, and Elgin days.

But I heard Landry Fields is a hell of a player, and currently ranked #2 amongst rookies. Kudos. I wonder what he’s doing for New Years.