Lottery winners. They’re out there. Lurking. Scheming. Counting. You may be one of ‘em! You! Probably not though. The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in about 14 million. According to scientists and professional mathematicians, the probability of you or anyone else winning the lottery is really very slim.

Boring professional mathematicians – bored with nothing to do, like to come up with horrible, catastrophic things that are more likely to happen to you than the one best thing ever. They like to say, hey instead of the best thing ever on the planet happening to you, here are a bunch of the worst imaginable things ever that are far more likely to happen to you than that one best thing. They like to say things like, hey instead of winning the lottery, you are 45 times more likely to be torturously devoured to your death by flesh-eating bacteria.

Anyway, here’s to all you lotto winners out there! You! And you! Just think dear reader, if 14 million people read this article, chances are one of them will be stinking rich from lottery winnings. They’ll say, “Wow, would yuh look at that. Huh, I’m on such a hot streak I just won the lotto AND this guy’s written an article about me!”

It is fun though, to prognosticate about “what you’d do” with the lottery winnings. “Well I’d give some to my Mom, and I’d buy my sister Janice a car, and I’d get that laser hair removal, and…” But what would you do? Would you let the federal government syphon it off and squeeze you a little bit every year? Or, would you get serious and bargain for a lump sum? I’m a lump sum kinda guy myself. Then again, can I be trusted?? Who do I trust more – myself of the federal government? Gosh!